Chapter 21: Transition
The rumors started as excited students witnessed Ianna and Arhad make their way to class and eventually spread to every corner of the Institution. Bored youths who were done with finals and waiting for vacation to start took interest in the gossip about the pink light of romance between two of the Institution’s hottest celebrities.
“So it finally happened.”
“I always knew it would.”
“I’ve known ever since he got her the flowers during the school festival.”
“Did you know that he was apparently Lady Ianna’s first dance at her debut too?”
“Sir Arhad probably asked her out first, right?”
“Obviously.”
Most people reacted like they had always known Ianna and Arhad would end up dating. They had all been a little surprised to hear that Ianna’s wall, which was like an impregnable fortress, had collapsed, but they were all convinced after taking into consideration the fact that Arhad had been the one to accomplish it.
Everyone wanted to get to know Arhad better but he was always difficult to approach because he always seemed to draw a line between himself and others, but it had been long since heavily rumored that he had a huge crush on Ianna because he would brighten up and grow flustered like an obedient hunting dog only when he was with her.
Almost as if to prove the point, he looked so deeply in love with Ianna as they walked to class together that he didn’t seem to register anyone else beside her.
He showered her with his deep affections by saying that he liked her, that he loved her —it was as if the dam had finally burst and water was gushing out.
He had definitely acted like that as he wooed her too. Besides, who could possibly turn down a man as well-off as Arhad when he wooed them in his lovesickness? Even Ianna, a steel fortress, had crumbled before his allure.
Ianna was sitting in a lecture hall with her books open in front of her. Arhad had escorted her to her lecture as smoothly as flowing waters, even though she had never once told him her schedule, and had disappeared only after promising that he would see her again soon.
“Why not just be honest about it to begin with? Hmm? I heard all about what happened at the party yesterday. How long has it been? My gosh, you never even seemed like you were dating……to think that you’d managed to deceive my eyes!”
It wasn’t Arhad but Eiji, whom Ianna had classes with, who was bothering her with a slight flush of excitement on his face.
“…….”
Ianna did not answer any of Eiji’s onslaught of questions. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to but that she simply had nothing to tell him. Eiji took hold of her and gently began shaking her, but she kept her mouth clamped tightly shut.
Arhad had said that not much would change. Which was why she had thought it would be all right to consent to continuing this fraud. Their romantic relationship was just a lie and nothing had actually changed between them, and so she had thought that nothing would feel out of the ordinary.
And yet.
‘Something’s strange…….’
But she could not name exactly what it was that she found strange if anybody asked. She simply felt like something was amiss.
“I really like you, Ianna.”
He had said that he liked her from time to time previously as well. And nothing had changed —neither his words nor his attitude.
……And yet, something still felt different to her.
And there was no reason that she would still be drunk from yesterday.
‘I’m probably just imagining things.’
Class had started at some point, and Ianna shook her head as she looked to blackboard that her professor had nearly filled.
‘……But will he really keep acting like that?’
She thought she was simply imagining things, but it made her a little uneasy that she still couldn’t deny it clearly.
‘Right. He’s definitely acting differently from usual.’
Her heart dropped heavily like a sack of sand as she recalled how strangely nervous she had felt.
It was absurd, but her heart had pounded even though all they done was to walk side by side. It was a completely ordinary action that she normally wouldn’t have thought anything about, and yet she had been a little nervous. And she was nervous even still as she tried to predict what Arhad would do next. Ianna could not discern where this wicked anxiety was stemming from.
‘Damn it all,’
Ianna cursed to herself. It displeased her that she couldn’t understand why she was like this. Ianna hoped that the strange aura around Arhad that made her heart uneasy would have gone away by the time she saw him again as she took up her pen and began writing. But her nib stopped before she could complete a single sentence.
It had truly been a while since Ianna had last been unable to concentrate in class because of another.
Ianna’s mind floated in and out of class, and she simply kept sitting in a blank daze, lost in her thoughts, even after the lecture was over.
Eiji kept chattering at her while Ianna simply stared down at her books without saying a word when she suddenly felt something tap against her head. Ianna looked up as she returned to her senses only to find Arhad patting her on the head.
“Why didn’t you answer when I called?”
Clatter!
Ianna startled and pushed back against her seat.
“When……did you get here?”
“Just now. I’ve been calling you for a while, but you wouldn’t answer.”
He had been pretending to be a commoner at the Institution until recently, though he was acting as the adopted son of Viscount Callisto now. He still acted the part of a kind senior before other people, because he could not overstep the boundaries between commoners and the nobility —much less treat her as his subordinate.
And so, Ianna had grown accustomed to his kindness.
But the fact that they were not simply senior and junior anymore made Ianna’s heart uneasy.
“…….”
“Come here.”
Arhad held out his hand. Ianna anxiously leaned back against her chair for a while before standing up and walking next to him because she did not know what else she was supposed to do. Arhad brought his arm across her shoulder and pulled her closer.
Ianna held her breath without realizing it and an awkward expression crossed her face as she looked up at Arhad.
“Must we……do this too?”
“We’ve already started, so we might as well see it to the end,”
Arhad whispered back. Eiji let out a strange noise and squirmed when he saw them standing so close together.
“…….”
The students who had been staring at them ever since Arhad had walked into the lecture hall felt strange as they watched Ianna stay meekly in his arms.
Ianna had always seemed so aloof, as if she was perfectly content to be alone, and she was difficult to talk to. And she was often so cold that people couldn’t help but wonder if it was even possible to share any emotions with her.
And yet her crimson hair was captured in a man’s sturdy arm and was sticking out here and there, and she was quiet as said arm was wrapped around her. It was only then that people realized that she was just another normal girl who knew how to love.
‘But how did he even woo her in the first place?’
‘Attractive guys really can get away with anything, huh.’
‘Damn it all.’
Ianna’s friends had gathered for lunch, and they naturally came face to face with Arhad too as he guarded his place by her side. Arhad beamed as he greeted them.
“Hello. May I join you for lunch today?”
“Oh hey, you’re that good-lookin’ senior from before. Hey there. Yer always welcome to eat with us, and I heard the news!”
Taro suddenly took Arhad’s hand. He continued,
“Please tell me yer secrets —how did ya manage to melt that pretty lump of ice……?”
“I used the standard tactics. Though there was a bit of scheming involved, I suppose.”
Ianna stood by sullenly as she grumbled to herself about how good the sly man was at lying. Arhad continued,
“I’m sure you’ll be able to win Princess Lalatua’s heart one day if you keep working hard, Little Taro.”
“Ack, ya really think so? Damn, I really like this guy. I wholeheartedly approve of him, Lil’ Ianna!”
They talked about all sorts of things as they ate. And finally, Ianna’s friends asked Arhad to stop speaking so politely to them. He was a fifth-year on top of being older than them, and they would find it more comfortable if Ianna’s lover addressed them more casually too.
“You’re Ianna’s friends……so I was hoping to get to know you better too. Let me know if you ever run into any trouble, and I hope you’ll always remain on good terms with Ianna.”
“Bleeeeeeech. Look at that lovey-dovey look on his face.”
Eiji made an ugly face as he rubbed his arms as if he had suddenly gotten the chills. He continued,
“Doesn’t this make you some kind of criminal, Sir? She might be awesome, pretty, cute, and lovable, but the princess of our Swordsmanship Department is still a whole five years younger than you…….”
“Do you want to die?”
Eiji shut his mouth when Ianna mumbled at him frigidly, but he opened it again quickly enough.
“You see? I’m her gofer at best, so don’t you worry about me.”
“This is great —I’ve always thought the two of you would look great together.”
“I’m so jealous.”
Herrace nodded with a slight flush to his face while Taro was teary-eyed in his envy.
“…….”
Ianna wore a serious look on her face all throughout lunch.
‘Why is everyone accepting it like it’s only natural?’
Her friends had not been surprised at all to hear that she and Arhad were lovers. She had thought they would be, but they congratulated her and told her that they looked good together instead.
People had always thought that they had been lovers, and Ianna had always ignored their misunderstandings.
It was only now that Ianna seriously tried to figure out what had caused the misunderstandings, which she had been ignoring completely until now. She quietly recalled how she and Arhad acted around each other.
But no matter how hard she thought about it, they had simply been as a senior and junior on close terms.
They had never exchanged any words of love.
Nor had they kissed like lovers or slept together.
And the hugging? Friends did that too.
The fact that they had danced together? Even political enemies danced with each other in high society.
Ianna was simply very fond of Arhad as a person —as someone who would unconditionally take her side. And she also felt competitive toward him because he was an excellent rival, and that was all. She had never had any reason to hide her feelings before others, and so she had not.
Ianna’s lips twisted.
‘If these feelings count as love and the relationship we share is supposedly a romantic one, then everyone in the world must be in love with each other. Oh, lo and behold.’
She could not figure out what had caused the misunderstandings for the life of her.
It was the delusions of the meddlesome masses who wanted to connect any man and woman together romantically even if they were only friends.
Ianna’s head cooled once she had reached her cynical conclusion.
‘There are a lot of fools in the world who waste their time on things that don’t have anything to do with themselves. And they like to go ahead and selfishly make determinations based on their personal feelings.’
They were egoists who insisted they were right even if they weren’t and did everything in their power to make their opinions the truth.
Indeed.
They had always been this way.
People had always blindly assumed that Ianna was as easy as her mother had been even though she had never once done anything to whittle herself down and cheapen her worth. They were no different from the savages who branded innocent virgins as witches and tied them to stakes in the middle of the square to throw rocks at them.
Which was why Ianna never listened to anyone else when it came to matters that she thought was wrong. She covered her ears and ignored them. And it was only right for her to do the same now.
“Sir, you’re a cradle snatcher, a criminal. A brute,”
Eiji continued teasing. His teasing made Ianna’s already chilly mood even more of a mess. Arhad smirked as he rolled his spaghetti around his fork and, as if he couldn’t have cared any less, replied,
“I haven’t done anything to warrant being call a brute yet.”
“Pff.”
Ianna nearly spat out the food she had been chewing on.
Indeed.
She was only reaping what she herself had sown.
She had been preparing herself a delicious feast, but she ultimately ended up spoon-feeding it to the people who had been crying out in hunger.
……It was true that she had only lied because she would have hated it for some unattractive woman to get in the way of Arhad’s ambitions, but the biggest reason why she had agreed to keep up the lie was because she could not tolerate the idea that some other woman might become Arhad’s lover and hog him for herself.
Ianna wanted to be Arhad’s first and foremost priority forever. She never wanted to step down from her position of being number one.
And it was these very feelings that had brought about this insane situation.
She would have never agreed to be Arhad’s lover, even if only as a lie, if not for these feelings.
‘…….Perhaps it’s my heart that’s the issue here, not other people’s delusions.’
Ianna overturned her prior conclusion and fell into serious contemplation.
‘So then, what is it?’
She had thought that she was being childish, but she didn’t exactly see Arhad as a parent. And no subordinate would have such shameful feelings toward their liege. And it was still subtly different from not wanting her rival to neglect his sword because he was too engrossed in a woman…….
Arhad brought her a glass of water, wondering if she had swallowed the wrong way, when Ianna coughed loudly and didn’t finish the rest of her meal.
Ianna, who had been staring pointedly at her dish in silence as she pondered, accepted the cup from him and began guzzling down the water. She thought her head might explode from all of her complicated thoughts. She didn’t want to think about anything. She emptied her cup as fiercely as if it was her head.
Eiji impishly continued prodding at Arhad.
“Are you sure you aren’t putting too much pressure on her? Little Ianna’s usually so extremely obsessed about chewing carefully that there’s no way that she would ever swallow the wrong way, and she normally sips her water smoothly too —she seems extremely uncomfortable, you know?”
Arhad smirked and replied,
“It’s none of your business. She’s only being embarrassed.”
Ianna nearly spat out her water mid-gulp.
“Wow, would you listen to this guy? Sorry I can’t save you, Little Ianna. But you actually like it and just aren’t letting it show, right?”
“……I’d really like it for you to shut up a bit, Eiji.”
“No way. This is so much fun!”
Eiji looked quite pleased with himself as he continued his teasing. Ianna considered punching him as a vein popped out on her temple, but she decided to keep quiet.
“Have you finished scheduling for your trip, Ianna?”
Arhad changed the topic as Ianna floundered in her frustration and awkwardness.
Ianna felt like she could finally breathe again when he gave her something else to think about.
“I’ve decided on the route I plan to take.”
She almost felt refreshed as she did her best to push the complicated and ambiguous thoughts out of her mind and her clearly defined plans flowed smoothly from her mouth. She looked significantly more comfortable as she continued,
“I’m thinking of using my trip as a chance to study about another region.”
She had not had the time to relax in her last life, and she had not had any time for herself in this life either. She had wandered the world in search of powerful enemies once in her past life, but that had been a part of her training as a warrior.
She had visited the South last summer, but that was only to bring Chendelf back home.
And so, this would be her first ever vacation.
She couldn’t say it was only a vacation, of course, since her main focus was to find out more about Roberstein’s secrets, but she figured it should be fine to be a little more lenient and call it a vacation anyway since her itinerary was unhurried and she planned on visiting a few historical sites along the way.
“Hmm? You’re going on a trip?”
Eiji asked with his eyes wide open.
“Yes.”
“Alone?”
“Of course. Who else would I go with?”
“And Sir Arhad’s just letting you go? I know that Little Ianna’s strong and honest, Sir, but isn’t it too risky to send her off alone? You should be going with her without any hesitation.”
“Is that so? There’s a lot I need to do over break……should I simply push it all aside?”
Eiji, who had spoken without much thought, suddenly shot up from his seat like he had been struck by lightning when he heard what Arhad had mumbled. He sat back down with his lips quivering when the rest of the group stared at him, wondering what the hell he was doing.
“Uh, my leg suddenly started cramping up. Yeah. And Sir? You should obviously put your work first if you’re busy. Especially if it’s important work. I understand that you might want to express your overflowing love for Little Ianna by prioritizing love over work, but that’s only attractive when it’s done in moderation. It’ll only be burdensome if you overdo it…….”
Eiji’s ramblings —why was he so bewildered?— made Ianna recall all the unsolvable questions that she had pushed aside. Ianna yanked him back into his seat.
“Enough of that —why don’t you tell me a few things I want to know about my destination instead?”
“Sure! Where are you planning to go, Little Ianna? This big brother of yours will put together a list of all the best tourist attractions for you!”
“I’m planning to pass through Sidian and Jinzai and go all the way to Toraca. I want to visit the West.”
“The deserts are worth the visit, but it’ll be tough during the summer, you know.”
“Huh? Wanna come with me then?”
Arhad had not opposed her choice of destination. It was actually Taro who had proposed something completely out of the blue. He continued,
“I go back home every break. And my home’s west of Toraca, yeah? How ‘bout we go together? Oh, but you can say no if ya had other plans, of course!”
Ianna gave it some thought.
She had planned to call upon the spirit kings and learn more about the Holy Age and take the time to reflect on herself, so she would have preferred to be alone.
But she also wondered if it could be helpful to travel with Taro, Absilot’s son. Absilot had seemed to know a lot about the spirits, so it was likely that his son, Taro, would know a few things as well.
Besides, while they were close friends, Ianna didn’t know much about Taro other than the fact that he adored Lalatua. Ianna had a hunch that her ties with Taro would last for a long time —a sentiment she shared regarding Eiji and Herrace. So it wasn’t necessarily a bad option to take the chance to get to know Taro better.
Ianna had made up her mind back when she had self-reflected, and so, she said,
“That’s not a bad idea. Let’s do that. But there are a few things I wanted to do alone, so I’d prefer that we came back separately.”
“Oh nice! Let’s do that!”
Ianna snuck a quick glance at Arhad after having made her decision on the spot. She was afraid she might have soured his mood by agreeing to let her friend accompany her so readily when she had so vehemently insisted on going alone when Arhad had wanted to do the same.
“……Hmm…”
Arhad’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, but Ianna was relieved to find that he didn’t look displeased. Rather, it was Eiji who began telling her off.
“Hey. You can’t do that. You’re not single anymore.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Hmm? Which part of it was ridiculous?”
Pow!
Ianna punched him for feigning ignorance before she starting discussing her route with Taro.
“It’s a straight line through Sidian and Jinzai, yeah? I like it! What d’ya think about huntin’ a few monsters while we’re runnin’? And we can catch a few bandits too! Damn, this should be real fun if the two of us are a team, Lil’ Ianna!”
“We can do that if we run into anything along the way.”
“Yer the best, Lil’ Ianna……!”
Taro’s proposal gave Ianna yet another idea. Since they were planning it anyway……
“You should come with us, Herrace.”
“Huh? Me?”
Herrace, who had been listening in on their conversation with great interest, pointed to himself in surprise as Ianna nodded.
Herrace’s face flushed with excitement. A trip with his friends? His heart starting pounding just thinking about it.
“I’d have to ask my father…….”
“Tell him that you’re going sword training with Taro and me. He should allow it then. And don’t bring any guards or servants with you. This is for training —it’s not just any ordinary trip. And be sure to prepare to be on a tight schedule if you’re coming along.”
“Gaaasp!”
Taro clutched his chest. He continued,
“Lil’ Ianna……how’d ya know that I absolutely love stuff like this……? Life’s about survivin’! And friendship blossoms in the wilderness! And as our friendship grows, so will we!”
Herrace looked slightly afraid but excited nevertheless as Taro slung his arm across his shoulders.
“Let’s go, Herrace! Off to the world of survival!”
“O……okay! I’ll go!”
Herrace raised his hands up.
Ianna ignored the both of them as they continued to make a fuss and picked up her spoon to continue her meal.
“What about me?”
Eiji, who had been constantly bringing the conversation back to the topic of Ianna’s relationship with Arhad as if he was having great fun in teasing her about it, grumbled wistfully. Ianna waved him away. He continued,
“Hey, are you bullying me?”
“I know you’ll be busy with work. I can’t take you seriously when I know that you can’t even come in the first place.”
“Tch. You could’ve at least asked, you know?”
“Wanna come with?”
“Forget it. Do you even know how capable I am? Things’ll start falling apart if I’m not here. But anyway, I’ll put together some helpful information into a pamphlet for you tomorrow.”
“You don’t need to go out of your way if you’re busy…….”
“It’s my way of congratulating you for not being single anymore, so just take it. Ah, that fact that our Little Ianna knows love now brings a tear to my eye!”
Eiji was poking fun at her until the bitter end. Ianna didn’t know why he was so excited about something that had nothing to do with him, but he continued to sing praises of her love even as her fist met his head several times over.
‘That damn thing called love,’
Ianna muttered to herself in disgust. She was certain that what she was feeling was not love.
‘But if not, then what it is?’
But the repeating question brought her back to the very first hypothesis that she had discarded because she had been absolutely sure that it couldn’t possibly be true.
‘I’m certain that I’m not in love with Arhad…….’
Ianna was wracked by a certain serious misgiving the very moment she personally linked her feelings to the possibility of love instead of hearing others blabbering way about it.
‘What is love?’
She could not easily answer the question. She was sure that she had a very strong opinion of love and that she had been repulsed by it just earlier……but what was it?
The question stopped preoccupying her mind only after lunch was over. Arhad had forced the question out of her head when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into himself.
The thickness of his arm around her shoulders or his fragrance tickling her nose —the smallest things were conveyed to her so vividly. His large hand holding her shoulder felt so peculiarly hot.
Ianna understood plainly that it wasn’t because it was summer or because Arhad had a naturally high body temperature, but because she simply happened to perceive it that way.
Indeed. All of her senses were on edge.
Ianna began doubting herself once she realized this. It wasn’t that Arhad was acting strange or that he had changed something —she had to wonder if she was simply being nervous now that she was hyper-aware of his every action because they were pretending to be “lovers.”
“Well, I’d like to spend some time with her alone now.”
“Cough, aren’t you being a little too open about it?”
Ianna did not want to think any further into her strangeness. These strange thoughts had been tangling and tangling up in her head since this morning, and she no longer knew what was what. And so, she simply decided to give up on thinking altogether.
Arhad brought Ianna up to his room in the tower for the remainder of the time they had before class. As he closed the door, he said,
“It’s fun, no?”
Ianna felt the tension leave her body and collapsed onto the sofa now that he had declared a pause in their façade. She simultaneously felt both relieved and listless.
“……No. Not really,”
Ianna replied disingenuously, prompting Arhad to chuckle. His expression was bright, as if he was having great fun in everything about the situation. Ianna continued,
“It’s so hectic. I want to kick myself for agreeing to this last night.”
“I brought you here because you seemed exhausted.”
Arhad was boiling water and picking out fragrant tea leaves just as he always did. The gentle scent of tea began wafting around the room.
The heavy scent of tea blossomed and tickled Ianna’s nose as Arhad set the teapot down on the table. Ianna had closed her eyes, utterly exhausted, and she slowly opened them again as she smelled the tea.
‘This tea is good for digestion……’
Her stomach wasn’t feeling great because she hadn’t quite been able to tell if the food was going in her mouth or her nose as she was eating. How did Arhad know that he had brewed her this tea?
Arhad stared openly at Ianna, who was looking down at the teapot.
“I was a bit surprised to hear you say you wanted to go on a trip with your friends.”
Ianna startled and studied his eyes.
“I was planning on going alone, but Taro’s suggestion made me realize that it wasn’t a horrible idea to use this as an opportunity to get to know my friends better. And I thought it would be a great opportunity for Herrace.”
“There are a lot of monsters and bandits in the West, especially in comparison to the South, so it’s a good way to gain actual battle experience. But have you always treasured your friends so much, Ianna? To the point that you were willing to change your plans? —you were very adamant about going alone.”
Arhad’s weighted question made Ianna forget the exhaustion she had suffered this morning and immediately tense up. She had even forgotten about the questions she had been contemplating.
He hadn’t even liked the fact that she had borrowed Saiwè’s clothes, even though there hadn’t really been much else she could have done in the situation. Thinking about the big picture made her realize that Arhad might even begin acting hostile to her friends, whom he hadn’t really cared much about before.
She would hate that.
They were the only friends she had ever known in both this life and her last. She wanted Arhad to be good to them too.
But Arhad had his own opinions. He might always take her side, but that didn’t naturally mean that he would also like the same people she did. And in this case, she had decided to go on a trip with her friends even after she had turned Arhad down……would he dislike that?
Ianna tried to look at it from another perspective. She would probably dislike it too if Arhad put her second and cherished another instead.
Which was why she acknowledged the fact that she had no right to complain even if Arhad disliked her friends. Though she would still be a little sad.
Ianna toyed with her teacup as she wondered if she had decided about going on the trip too readily and began blaming herself.
“……They are good friends. And I only have a few of them.”
“No wonder why you care so much about them. Go and have fun.”
Ianna blinked when she heard Arhad’s cheery response. She was relieved, but she was also dubious. Which was why she could not help but ask,
“You’re all right with Herrace and Taro? And Eiji too?”
“I am.”
It had been a rather ambiguous question, but Arhad immediately understood what it was that she was asking. He leisurely continued,
“You seem to have misunderstood —I want the entirely of your life, but it’s not that I want to take away the things you cherish. I’m all right with anyone as long as they don’t fetter you. I think it’ll be good for you to experience more things. Try encountering a lot more emotions and forging a lot of new relationships. Having friends is a great way of accomplishing both.”
This was likely why Arhad was all right with the people who surrounded Ianna even though he was hostile to Schneider.
Then again, he would have taken measures early on and by any means necessary if he had wanted to monopolize her instead of simply wanting the entirely of her life.
“Still, I’d very much prefer that you didn’t choose them over me……should they ever decide to become my enemy one day.”
“It’s only obvious that I wouldn’t.”
Arhad was her master, and her life belonged to him.
There was no reason for her friends to turn against Arhad, but she would be their enemies as well if they ever decided to become Arhad’s enemy.
It was comical…… She would only be sad if Arhad decided that he disliked them first, but she felt like she would start hating her friends if they decided they disliked Arhad first.
She could not help but feel a little guilty toward her friends because her priorities were so clear.
“I’m glad to hear it. Drink your tea. It should have cooled to the perfect temperature by now.”
Ianna raised up her teacup at Arhad’s invitation. He was right. The cup’s temperature she felt through her fingers was just right —neither so hot that she didn’t want to touch it nor too cold that she was reluctant to drink it.
Ianna brought the teacup to her lips. As always, the tea sliding in between her slightly parted lips was both delicious and refreshing.
The gentle fragrance of the tea that would help her digest.
The heat that enveloped her body in a smug warmth.
The tea put her at ease and warmed up her entire body, starting with her heart.
Arhad was always being considerate of her, just like with this cup of tea. He always tried to understand her better, always tried to be considerate of her circumstances, and always tried to prioritize her feelings. Even today, he had stopped their façade at just the right time once he saw how exhausted she was.
He only stopped being considerate when she rejected him. That was the one thing he never tolerated.
And Ianna was changing. The longer she spent with Arhad, the more she could not help but feel like she would simply be all right with, much less actively reject, anything that he did.
She was becoming more forgiving and more lenient about his behavior that she almost wondered if her personal opinions were starting to disappear. Ianna could feel herself changing.
“You said that you would depart ten days after the closing ceremony, right?”
“Yes.”
“In that case, we should go on a date this weekend.”
“Pardon?”
The tea sloshed in her cup as she startled.
Perhaps she wasn’t quite all right with everything just yet.
“……A……date?”
Ianna was still trying to comprehend the unfamiliar term that Arhad had so boldly spoken, but Arhad only looked back at her as if he was asking her why she was so surprised.
“Isn’t it compulsory for lovers to go on dates?”
“That’s…well…”
Was it?
But what did one even do on a date?
Ianna’s brain was already so used to not thinking about things like that at all. She knew the definition of the word —to go out and have fun with one’s lover—, but she had no idea why it was called a ‘date’ or any idea how it was any different from going out and having fun with one’s friends.
Especially since she had ever only gone out to drink with her friends and had never gone out for the specific purpose of having fun —her head went blank.
“I don’t know what a date is. But more importantly, is it truly something we must do? I thought we were only pretending to be lovers when other people were around?”
“We did, but where’s the fun in that? Our main focus was to stop people of the other sex from approaching us, but having fun was one of the other big goals I wanted to accomplish when I decided to start this relationship. We’ll never get to experience it for the rest of our lives if we don’t do it now anyway, so why not give it a go?”
Arhad smiled a good-natured smile, as if he had absolutely no other hidden intentions at all. He continued,
“There’ll be a mountain of things we’ll have to get done after you get back from your trip, and we won’t have any time to relax until after we conquer Bahamut. We should enjoy ourselves while we can.”
“…….”
Arhad waved his finger in front of Ianna’s eyes to recapture her attention when she stiffened up again upon hearing what he had said.
“Don’t think too hard into this, Ianna. You only need to act like you always do.”
“Like I always do……?”
“Exactly. Just relax, like how you’re relaxing right now. I had a lot of fun watching you today……but you seem to have been quite burdened. You even gave yourself indigestion.”
Ianna looked down at her teacup. Arhad had already known everything. He had only known to give her tea that was good for digestion because he had been observing her carefully even as he was enjoying himself while pretending to be her lover.
Ianna’s mind had been all over the place, but Arhad had been composed enough to keep watch over her. Ianna suddenly found herself a bit pathetic. She felt foolish for being overly-aware of their relationship and feeling awkward about it when he didn’t seem to mind it at all.
That’s right —who cares about this fake relationship?
All she had to do was follow his lead and not make a huge deal out of it.
She was more than capable of that, considering her temperament.
So why……?
“Actually, I plan on going on this date to put your heart more at ease. You’ll feel much better once we do.”
“Why would I feel more at ease after going on a date?”
“You’ll see after we do.”
Ianna bit down at her lip, and Arhad, who had been watching her, quietly added,
“Accomplishing our goals and having fun are one thing, Ianna, but I didn’t stubbornly insist on this relationship just to torture you. I told you before. I want you to experience more emotions and forge more relationships. Do you know why?”
“……No, I don’t.”
“You know yourself extremely well, but it’s so difficult for you to sort through how other people make you feel. Especially when it comes to positive feelings……. You weren’t even able to organize how you felt about me yesterday.”
It was true. It was because she had never experienced anything like that in her past life……not her parent’s love, not her friends’ affection, not her teachers’ benevolence, nor her subordinates’ respect. She had not been able to experience any of it as a child. And she had closed off her heart as she got older and had stubbornly refused to experience any of it then. And now, all of those feelings felt rather distant to her.
“I am aware that I’m quite dull when it comes to emotion. I am especially awkward with emotions like goodwill. I find it much easier to cast people away. It’s probably because I don’t have much experience interacting with people in positive ways.”
“But you have a lot of people around you who care about you now. And you’ve learned to accept the fact that they like and care about you instead of simply pushing them away, no?”
“…….”
“You’re slowly learning how to deal with these emotions.”
It was true. She still felt awkward about the fact that she was getting along with so many people from time to time, but she didn’t hate it……no, that wasn’t correct. To say that she didn’t hate it didn’t accurately depict the state of her heart.
Ianna was not good at expressing it when she liked something, and neither did she feel that way very often. She usually tended to leave some space in her heart by telling herself that she simply didn’t dislike something. She was always prepared for her relationships to sour even if she liked someone, and so she had set up walls around her heart so she could cut off those feelings at a moment’s notice.
But Ianna had learned to let down those walls a little as of late. Perhaps she had gained some courage because she knew that Arhad would never leave her side, because she knew that Arhad would hold her up even if she got hurt and hurt all over again and collapsed.
Which was why she could be more assertive about it now.
Positive emotions were filling her life up in abundance. And she was slowly learning how to deal with them.
“Yes, I concur.”
“But you still have far to go. You still only see romantic love in a negative light, much like how you used to feel awkward about receiving goodwill and brush it away. Even though you’ve never experienced it yet.”
Ianna felt like she had been hit on the back of her head. Arhad continued,
“I can’t do everything for you since we aren’t ‘really’ dating, of course, but I think it’d be nice if you could experience it for yourself.”
There was something willful about what he was saying, but……Ianna was still convinced nevertheless.
“Besides, Ianna, I don’t plan on discontinuing our relationship until I grow tired of it. You seemed to want to drop everything and run away today, but I think going on a date will prove helpful to you. Don’t you think it might be better to pretend you were convinced and play along?”
“Why……are you suggesting I want to run away?”
Ianna responded after she understood a few things and had organized her thoughts. Run away? The words hurt her pride quite a bit. She had never fled from anything before in her life. Ianna stared back at Arhad as if they were having a staring contest when Arhad asked,
“Am I wrong?”
“…….”
It was true that she had wanted to get up and leave several times during lunch today.
But that was that.
She had been persuaded into understanding a few things on top of already finding herself pathetic for being so shaken, and all of it was starting to prick at her pride now that she had also been provoked.
She almost felt as if she’d lost.
And so, Ianna ended up agreeing to Arhad’s proposal out of sheer stubbornness.
“I knew itttt! Congrats, Little Ianna!”
Ianna had suffered everyone staring at her all day long and had returned to her dorm after classes were over only to find Priscilla squirming inside. Ianna flopped down on her bed and sounded resigned as she replied,
“……Yes, it happened.”
“I knew that Little Arhad would get to you one of these days! How did he ask you out? Did he confess his love for you? Was it hot? Did he pin you against a wall? Or push you down? Kyaah!”
Ianna didn’t even want to imagine how far Priscilla thought her relationship with Arhad had gone. And, to say that he had pushed her down?
“He did nothing of the sort.”
“Hmm? Tell me. I promise I won’t tell anyone else.”
Ianna wanted so strongly to just tell her the truth, but she grew stubborn again upon remembering how calm Arhad had been about the matter. And so, she instead said,
“He just said…that he liked me…….”
But she got goosebumps as she tried to speak and could barely finish her sentence.
“Little Arhad wouldn’t have confessed to you like any ordinary person. So that definitely wasn’t everything he said! Aww, can’t you just tell me?”
What was Ianna supposed to tell her when it hadn’t even happened?
“……Please mind your own business.”
“Tch, you want to keep the memory to yourselves, is that how it is? Fine. But!”
Priscilla made a fist. She continued,
“I’m still a lot older than you and I’m a master at dating. So ask me anytime if you’re unsure about anything. I’m a bit worried about you because you’re so innocent, Little Ianna. I still think it’s something of a miracle that you even accepted Little Arhad’s confession in the first place.”
Priscilla finally quieted down after that, and it was only then that Ianna could finally lose herself in her thoughts at last. She buried her face into her pillow.
‘Love…….’
Ianna had an incredibly negative opinion about romantic love.
Obsession and destruction.
The loss of self.
The heart-rending agony.
Her mother had shown her all of this in person.
Which was why Ianna never wanted to be loved or be in love.
Lebony’s love had been one-sided, of course, and Ianna knew that love wasn’t a wholly negative emotion since she had seen the love between the couple at Elona’s Paradise and between the count and countess Roberstein now that Lebony was out of the picture, but she still didn’t want to experience it for herself.
People were fickle, and she could never know when they would change. Just imagining herself acting as disgraceful as Lebony had if her love were to ever become unilateral sickened her. Ianna cared too much about herself to simply entrust herself in the hands of love and accept all the risks that came with it.
Most importantly, she no longer wanted to be hurt by others. That was how she honestly felt.
Indeed.
She had only ever been pessimistic about it —but as Arhad had pointed out, she had never experienced it for herself.
She knew nothing about love, and she could not answer the questions she had about it.
She pretended that she did and blindly rejected it at every turn, but there was no way that someone who had never accepted nor felt love would know what it was. She had simply made a judgment based on the results she had witnessed.
Which was why she knew nothing about how lovers were supposed to act or what kinds of feelings they were supposed to share. And so, it wasn’t right for her to scorn others for deluding themselves into thinking that she and Arhad were lovers.
But in that case, why did people think that she and Arhad loved each other? As far as Ianna knew, the only difference between lovers and friends was they lovers were very deeply fond of each other and did things like kissing and other sexual acts.
‘I have never wanted to sleep with Arhad.’
She didn’t even know what wanting to sleep with someone was supposed to feel like, since she had never felt that way before in her life.
And it was only now that she wondered if there was more to love than lust.
And goodwill. There were so many different types of goodwill, and Ianna, who was clumsy with all of them, was uncomfortable because she didn’t understand what this supposed ‘deep fondness’ that was allegedly the basis for love was supposed to be. After all, she herself held an unfathomably deep fondness for Arhad too.
‘……What is love?’
Ianna turned her head to look at Priscilla, who was having fun while reading in bed.
‘She said that I should ask her anytime if I’m unsure about anything, right?’
She had never imagined that she would be going to Priscilla of all people for counsel…….
Ianna decided that she would feel better asking someone about it rather than struggling on her own.
“Priscilla, what is love?”
“Huh? Love? Aha!”
Priscilla returned the question at first, as she hadn’t immediately understood when Ianna had dropped the bomb, but she quickly threw away the book she had been reading and jumped up. Ianna looked away in embarrassment when Priscilla looked back at her in disbelief, but she continued mumbling,
“……What does it mean to be romantically involved? And what are you supposed to do on a date?”
“Kyah, Little Ianna! You’re asking me such adorable questions! You’re so cute!”
Ianna’s expression turned for the strange as Priscilla screamed and stomped her feet.
Adorable questions……cute……. What on earth was going on in this woman’s head? Ianna was starting to question how Priscilla viewed her. Priscilla clasped her hands together with a sparkle in her eye.
“Love is when you like someone so, so much it drives you crazy.”
“That’s so vague that it’s difficult to comprehend. I want to know what people are supposed to feel when they are in love.”
Priscilla intoned as she tilted her head to the side.
“It’s not really a feeling that you can describe so precisely. But from my experience, ahem, you like the other person so much that just being with them makes you feel all happy and sweet inside. You want to see them again even if you only parted just minutes ago. And you want to do everything together.”
“…….”
“And you want to surprise them with a gift and see how happy they get, and you want to do anything they ask of you. Also!”
Priscilla shrieked quietly and hugged her pillow. She continued,
“You want to pull them into a tight hug when you love them so much that you just can’t help it. You want to touch them and kiss them, and you might even want to share a bed with them. Physical contact is really nice, you know. Hehe.”
Priscilled huffed and crossed her arms after putting her pillow back down.
“But not everything about it is nice. Love can make you stingy, you see.”
Priscilla nodded to herself.
“You start feeling childish and want them to put you first even if they have other important business to take care of, you get frustrated when you see them having fun with some other bitch, you get sad when they don’t understand where you’re coming from, and you get angry when you wish they’d be more considerate of you…….”
Then, Priscilla beamed.
“But I still think that being in love just means you like someone a lot.”
Ianna furrowed her brows and replied,
“Can’t you feel the same way about a friend?”
“You can feel that way about a friend too, of course. You go from being friends to being lovers if one of you confesses and the other party accepts that confession.”
“I find this difficult to understand. Love and friendship are two different emotions.”
“Oh my, Little Ianna. Love isn’t all that different from friendship. No matter what kind of goodwill, all forms of it will eventually culminate! Peak! Climax! ……and that’s what love is. Your goodwill develops and develops until it reaches the end, and that’s when it becomes love. And that’s why everyone perceives loves differently. The only thing in common is that everyone just likes the other person a whole lot.”
“…….”
“In conclusion, loving someone just means that you like that person more than anyone else in the world. And entering a romantic relationship with someone means that you get to monopolize each other. You become special to each other, and you promise that you’ll be each other’s first and foremost priority. Was that helpful?”
“……I think I understand the gist of it, for now.”
It was difficult to actually imagine, but Ianna felt as though she at least understood what love was suppose to be, at least to some degree. And she realized that Priscilla’s description of love wasn’t wholly dissimilar to how she felt about Arhad.
Love was the culmination of goodwill…….
If this was true, then she had no choice but to admit that the goodwill she felt for Arhad overlapped with her concept of love, at least somewhat.
She did not think that her goodwill was love.
But she recognized that it might become love one day if her goodwill continued to deepen.
Which was why it was correct to say that it wasn’t love yet.
“And I’ve told you before, but dating isn’t really all that big of a deal! It really isn’t. You just want to do stuff together with the person you like. That’s really all there is to it, you know? Going out on a date is no different than going out to have fun.”
Priscilla hopped down from her bed. She sat down next to Ianna, who was lost in her thoughts, and pat at Ianna’s back with both of her hands as if she was nagging the younger girl.
“If you’re asking about going on a date, Little Ianna, does that mean that Little Arhad asked you out to one? When is it? Hmm? I’ll dress you up real pretty! And I’ll pick out the cutest outfit for you!”
~~*~~
Time passed quickly. Surprisingly, a week had been just enough time to let Ianna adjust to her new relationship status. She hadn’t adjusted to it completely yet, of course, but she had at least grown accustomed to it.
It had accomplished their main goal of preventing other people from approaching them so perfectly that it was almost shocking. Ianna had been getting at least two boxes of love letters every day, but now they had stopped entirely.
And today was the day that she had promised to go on a date with Arhad.
Ianna still didn’t quite understand what a date was yet, so she had tried to leave early while wearing the clothes that she usually wore. But Priscilla, who normally liked to sleep in, heard Ianna moving about their room and nearly passed out when she woke up to see what Ianna was wearing. She leapt out of bed and dug through her wardrobe like a madwoman before pulling out a few pieces and thrusting them at Ianna’s direction.
Ianna was bewildered, but she agreed to wear what Priscilla had strongly recommended to her because Priscilla had more experience in the subject and Ianna felt indebted to her for Priscilla’s counsel from the other day.
The outfit was just pretty enough that Ianna wasn’t reluctant to wear it. The summer blouse was simple and only the sleeves, which fell just above Ianna’s forearms, and collar were different in color.
The dark green skirt that came to Ianna’s shins made her look like a fresh summer rose when matched together with her otherwise crimson image.
Priscilla even did Ianna’s makeup before sending the latter off with tears in her eyes like a mother sending her daughter off to get married.
“Don’t you worry about a thing. Little Arhad will figure out everything else. Just go and have fun. Oh, but what’s with that belt?! Leave your sword at home!”
Ianna, who had been about to leave with a longsword strapped to the belt at her waist, stopped when Priscilla dissuaded her. She was uncomfortable about leaving her sword behind unless she had absolutely no other choice, but her discomfort disappeared when she remembered that she would still have Arhad by her side.
‘……This is ridiculous.’
Ianna realized that she had at some point developed the faith that Arhad would be able to figure things out no matter what happened. Where had the Ianna who had been so anxious to leave her sword behind for even a short while at the Temple of Laos just a year and a half ago gone?
Ianna left her room as Priscilla saw her off. There were a lot of girls wearing normal clothes who had been about to go out for the weekend in the hallway.
“Wow.”
They saw Ianna and opened their eyes wide. They had heard that she had been incredibly lovely at the fashion show, but not many people cared about Ianna’s appearance because she did not normally dress herself up at all.
But her appearance was striking today. She was not the Swordsmanship Department student who wore her training clothes and a single sword at her waist like a savage beast, but a lovely seventeen-year-old girl who looked as pretty as a rose.
‘She’s so pretty. Sniff.’
‘And she’s coordinated everything so well too…….’
‘Where did she get her clothes?’
‘Is she going on a date with Lord Arhad? She absolutely is.’
‘Even she changed after falling in love. Look at how she’s dressed up for a date.’
Ianna made her way to Heinrich’s magic tower without ever realizing what other people were thinking about her.
They still weren’t supposed to meet up for a while yet, and they weren’t even supposed to meet up at the magic tower, but Ianna didn’t have anything else to do that morning and figured that she might as well read next to him as he got ready.
“Ack.”
“Hey, look over there.”
Ianna walked quickly, tired of the stares that hadn’t stopped once during her entire transit, and quickly arrived at the magic tower.
“Ahh, Miss. Please let me go. I’m getting dizzy!”
She heard a familiar voice sound just as she was about to climb the magic tower stairs —Arhad’s room was near the very top.
“Say that again, Herrace. What? Little Ianna’s dating whom?”
“I’m telling you the truth. You’re the only one who didn’t know, Miss. Ack! Please don’t drop me! Eek!”
Herrace and Lalatua were making a ruckus inside of Heinrich’s tower. Lalatua was levitating Herrace in between the spiraling staircase and was spinning him around.
“I heard such nonsensical rumors floating around when I left my laboratory……oh, Little Ianna.”
The happy look on Lalatua’s face only lasted for a moment after she had greeted Ianna warmly, and she quickly looked to Ianna in disbelief. She continued,
“Is it true that you’re dating Little Arhad? Herrace was saying nonsense.”
Ianna could no longer refute the question. But she didn’t quite feel like actively affirming it either, so she simply looked back at Lalatua without a word.
“Oh my gosh…….”
Lalatua let out a very long sigh before she promptly took Ianna by the shoulders and ever so wistfully tried to persuade her.
“Why would someone as capable as you do something so worthless? This is a disaster to the world of swordsmanship. You’re wasting your time. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor by breaking up with him at once, Little Ianna. Why do girls always go so crazy about him? —all he has going for him are his looks and his money. But you’re special, so you must have a special reason for doing this, right? What do you even see in him? Did he threaten you into this? He must have, right? He’s a terrifying monster, after…….”
“That’s enough of your nonsense.”
Arhad, who had walked out of his room once he realized that Ianna was here, cut Lalatua off.
Ianna looked up at him. His clothes were tidy, but his hair was still a mess. Arhad stared openly at Ianna at first, but he smiled a little when their eyes met and slowly invited her to come upstairs.
Lalatua visibly scowled and sarcastically quibbled,
“Oh my, why are you speaking so casually out of the blue?”
“I’ve been trying to treat you like a proper princess until now, but I’ll burn off your hair like I did when we were younger if you don’t shut your mouth.”
Herrace, whom Lalatua had let down behind her at some point, startled when Arhad spoke so harshly at the princess whom even professors could not easily chastise. He shut his eyes tight, having predicted that Lalatua would shoot an icicle to bruise Arhad’s handsome face sooner rather than later.
“…….”
But he didn’t hear anything happen. Herrace cracked open his eyes in doubt only to be promptly shocked. Lalatua, who normally would have counterattacked and then some by now, was only glaring back at Arhad in shame.
Ultimately, Lalatua could not punish him for his rudeness. Instead, she grabbed Ianna by the arm as the latter tried to walk past her and pointed at Arhad like a child tattling on her bully.
“See, Little Ianna?! He’s such a wicked man! He would even burn a young maiden’s hair…….”
“I wouldn’t care if every woman in the world had their hair burnt away, so long as Ianna’s hair was safe.”
Lalatua dropped her jaw when she heard his indifferent response.
“W-w-w-were you always this sort of man?”
“What is that even supposed to mean? A man need only look after his own woman. And besides, I have no use for you, Princess.”
“Goodness! Whoever said I wanted to be useful to you? You must have eaten a hundred sticks of butter after you started dating. Hmph!”
Lalatua said before she whipped her head to the side. Arhad’s lips twisted.
“It makes no difference to you whether I’ve eaten a hundred sticks of butter or even a thousand, no? I’ve always tolerated your behavior on the dean’s account, and I still plan to continue tolerating you. But I won’t stay quiet if you keep blabbering nonsense at Ianna and influence our current relationship in any way…… Remember this.”
“…….”
‘Wow…….’
Herrace, who was standing with his hands over his mouth like a shrimp caught between the clash of two giants, was shocked as he witnessed Lalatua get crushed so thoroughly by Arhad.
Lalatua was always haughty, as if she stood on top of everyone else, and she was almost like an outlaw in how she always did as she pleased with people. There was no way that someone as feeble as Herrace could defy her, not when no one else could.
And so, he could not help regard Arhad as someone amazing for putting Lalatua in her place and refusing to let her even budge.
He had heard from Heinrich not too long ago that Arhad and Lalatua were childhood friends who had grown up together, but that wouldn’t have given Arhad any leverage over Lalatua in their relationship. Herrace had grown up with Lalatua as well, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to oppose her.
In conclusion, that meant that Arhad’s personality was something special.
Herrace had always thought his senior was cool, based on his generally mature conduct and the fact that he was skilled enough to spar with Ianna to a draw, but he began respecting Arhad in his heart after watching Arhad take a stand against Lalatua. That was simply how much Lalatua scared him.
“……Hmph!”
Lalatua squeezed Ianna’s arm tighter. She continued,
“This won’t do. I simply cannot allow that man to roam about freely like this. You know what, Little Ianna? I was mistaken. You need to keep a tight grip on his leash. He’s a wild dog who listens only to you. Whom else would that monster crawl his way back to? The power of love must truly be amazing indeed.”
Ianna, who had been spacing out a bit, failed to connect what Lalatua was saying to what she had meant.
Why was Lalatua linking the fact that Arhad listened to Ianna to love —Ianna could not understand the algorithm behind Lalatua’s logic.
Just what was love that it was being used to explain every act of goodwill?
……Oh, love is supposed to be the culmination of goodwill, right?
People were interpreting Arhad’s every trivial word and action as an expression of love.
“I see now. I just need to keep myself in Little Ianna’s good graces. Even he can’t do anything to me if Little Ianna likes me, no? Hoho.”
“It’s only obvious that you should be nice to Ianna. Just know that you won’t have a future if you harass her out of your spite for me. And let go of her right now. I’m going to count from three. Three, two…….”
“All right! I get it! Love is amazing!”
Arhad stopped pressuring Lalatua after that.
“Let’s go.”
He began climbing upstairs again with Ianna in tow when she finally came to his side. The look on Ianna’s face stiffened ever so slightly as she climbed up after him.
She had most certainly grown accustomed to their relationship.
People had stopped staring by now, and it posed no hinderance to her everyday life.
But Ianna still grew anxious when she acted like Arhad’s lover, like with Lalatua just now, though she kept up the act regardless.
At first, she had thought that the anxiety had stemmed from the fact that she was a little sad that Arhad hadn’t seemed to change even though she was hyper-aware of their new relationship.
But she thought differently now.
Now, she fully understood that Arhad was dealing with his own fair share of problems.
“Go on in,”
Arhad said as he opened the door for her.
Ianna walked inside without a word after sneaking a glance at Arhad, who looked so bright and cheery now that it couldn’t even begin to be compared to the frigid expression he had shown Lalatua. Arhad had Ianna sit down on the sofa, brewed her some tea, and brought out some cookies.
“Why are you here? There’s still time before when we were supposed to meet up. I’ll be right back, so wait here for a bit.”
“It wasn’t the best time to start training, but I didn’t exactly want to sit around and do nothing either. I thought I might come here and read before we left, since we were planning to meet up later anyway —am I being a nuisance?”
Ianna asked as she looked up at Arhad. He stared back at her for a moment before stroking her hair, which Priscilla had done for her.
“Not at all. I’m happy that you wanted to spend your free time with me. There were a few things that I had to finish up, but I’ll be done with everything soon, so wait here.”
Arhad’s hand never left Ianna’s head even as he told her to wait for him. Ianna turned to the bookshelf, having thought that he would leave soon, only to be puzzled when he continued to stroke her hair.
She turned back to him when she slowly, slowly……felt his hand come down toward her cheek and ear. His eyes looked somewhat unfocused for some reason when she looked into them.
“Oh.”
It was only then that Arhad pulled away. He took a step back while still holding out his hand, and he looked like he had bitten into bitter chocolate as he said,
“You were just too pretty. Wait here.”
Ianna sank down into the sofa —it was her designated spot now— once Arhad had left the room.
“…….”
His behavior had hardly changed at all. For example, he had opened the door for her, brewed her tea, and petted her head just now.
He had always been considerate of her and never hid his fondness for her in his actions. He had constantly petted her head, and he had pulled her into his arms when he couldn’t beat back his emotions.
He was still the same as ever. And yet……he also seemed somehow different.
But how so?
He was doing the exact same things, but he was treating her as if she was truly his lover. He acted as if he liked her so much he didn’t know what to do with himself, and he was so blatant about his fondness of her that even Ianna, as dense as she was about these things, could perceive it.
Ianna had only ever observed the emotion from afar, and she had never thought in her wildest dreams that it would ever have anything to do with her.
I like you —he had only said the words out loud in front of her dormitory on the first day, and he hadn’t said it since. But it still felt like he was saying it constantly even if he never put it to words.
“……Sigh.”
Ianna had stopped breathing as soon as her eyes had met Arhad’s. She could not breathe because he had looked to her as if she was a precious jewel, as if his affections for her were on the brink of overflowing. Her cheeks and ears flushed red now that she could breathe again.
‘How serious about this game is he that he acts this way not only in front of others but normally too……?’
Arhad was pouring so much effort into something utterly pointless, and his acting skills were on point. All he had to do was call Ianna his lover and go about the rest of his life, but he had completely changed his attitude as well.
The affections conveyed in his behavior felt so real, even though Ianna knew that they were only a lie. And she found it difficult to breathe when his affections were directed so squarely at her.
Ianna had always lived while believing that those destructive yet feverish feelings would never be directed at her. She had been determined to reject them even if they ever did, and she had planned on running only forward while polishing only herself.
But now, she was receiving ‘love,’ even though it was technically a lie, from Arhad, who was both her greatest rival in the world and the man who would day be her master.
This was the first time in her life that someone had ever looked at only her with such special feelings, that she had accepted it without the protection of the walls around her heart, and it wasn’t even as liege and knight or from one person to another……but as a man and a woman.
Their unchanging relationship, their unchanging feelings —but Ianna’s heart raced faster than it ever had before as the goodwill he always showered her with was slowly transformed into affection.
Ianna thought that this change had stemmed from her rejection of love and the anxiety she felt at this new situation. But there was something that Ianna could not understand, could not explain, even outside of that.
If that was all she felt, then she should have only felt awful, like if she was wearing clothes that weren’t the right size……but there was something positive that she couldn’t quite name underneath those feelings.
‘I’m confusing myself.’
She buried her face in her hands. She could not understand herself.
Ianna was so caught up in her thoughts that she simply sat there in a daze without so much as even picking up a book, and Arhad had returned as quickly as he had promised to. And the mess that his hair had been had been tidied up as well.
“Let’s go.”
Arhad reached out to her. Ianna stared at it for a moment before placing her hand on top of his. A week’s worth of constant repetition had ingrained into her that this meant he wanted to hold her hand.
Perhaps it was because she had held his hand so many times by now, but it didn’t make her feel as awkward or as dizzy as when he pulled her in and hugged her shoulders.
Arhad tugged, and Ianna was pulled up like she was a very light child. Pulled by his hand, Ianna stepped outside the room that she was as familiar with as if it were her own.
Ianna squeezed Arhad’s hand as they left the Institution grounds while everyone was staring at them.
“I truly don’t know what I’m doing. What will we do today?”
“We’re just going to wander around. I didn’t plan for anything much. We’ll just be exploring the city, like we did during the school festival and Founding Day, and we’ll just enjoy the view as if we were only on a walk.”
“Is that truly all we’re doing?”
“Yes. But let’s start with lunch for now.”
Arhad brought Ianna to a famous seafood restaurant in the capital. It was so famous and popular that rumors said one had to book a reservation at least a month in advance.
The first floor of the restaurant could be used for both commoners and the nobility, while the second floor was reserved only for the nobility. And the third floor consisted of private rooms that could only be reserved for exorbitant sums of money.
Surprisingly, they were sat at a table on the first floor. But before Ianna could question it, Arhad quickly explained,
“You seemed to be burdened by my spending habits. We can still order expensive food from here, so don’t be disappointed and order anything you’d like.”
Ianna was not disappointed at all. She had been a little surprised, but she preferred to be seated in places like this and spend an appropriate amount of money on food instead of spending lavishly for pointless luxuries.
And, in her current state of mind, she preferred to be somewhere boisterous rather than be in a private room alone with him.
“But if you’d like, we can go up to the third floor at once.”
“No, I’m perfectly happy to be here. But I thought that you had to make reservations for this place well in advance?”
“There’s nothing that can’t be solved with money. I’ll make sure you only live in luxury from now on.”
“No thank you. My life cannot possibly get more luxurious than it already is.”
They were served appetizers even though they had only just sat down. The cold shrimp and fresh vegetables in the cocktail shrimp salad went incredibly well with the sour dressing, and the crab meat was a perfect harmony with the savory cream of the crab soup.
“I was thinking we could go and buy the things you’ll need for your trip after our meal —what do you think?”
Ianna thought it was a great idea, since she knew she would have to buy supplies soon anyway.
But Ianna couldn’t help but doubt. Was this really what people did on dates? She had planned to do anything that Arhad suggested because she didn’t know any better anyway, but she had been slightly nervous regardless. But things were playing out so normally that her taut nerves were beginning to unwind.
“There’s a lot to see in the desert. But there’s also a lot that you’ll need to prepare. I’m sure you already know that there isn’t much water there because the entire region’s dominated by fire energy. I don’t know if you’re planning on bringing anything else, but you should probably bring an artefact that can supply you with water with you. I’ll give you one, so don’t worry about it —and we can buy everything else today.”
“Will I really need that artefact? Taro said that we’d be fine with only one canteen of water, which we can replenish at the oases along the way.”
“Taro was born in the desert, so he’s been built to be perfectly fine in the heat even if he doesn’t drink a lot of water. He was probably speaking to his personal standards, so you shouldn’t trust him too much about that. There’s probably more distance between each oasis than you’re thinking. And the heat will be beyond your expectations. You might be able to hold out on your own even without the extra water, but you should always prepare for the worst-case scenario.”
“But doesn’t the water produced by an artefact disappear quickly anyway?”
“It’s possible to manufacture an artefact that produces permanent water. I have one such artefact in my possession.”
Based on everything Ianna had learned thus far, it was impossible to use magic to create anything permanent, and only something created by the spirits’ powers would remain in the world permanently.
“Does it use divine power?”
“It does. It’s something that was created by elven divine power and spiritual arts. I hear that the artefacts were originally made to water precious saplings in the Great Forest of Shaob, and you need to refill it with divine power after you’ve used it ten times. I’m giving you one so that you don’t recklessly call on the spirits just because you don’t have enough water.”
Ianna simply nodded —she could not find it in herself to refuse after everything he had said, and her conscience also prickled.
“Good. Now let’s talk a little more about your trip. You’ll have to cross Sidian, the kingdom of bandits, to go West. Be careful. Sidian is the Black Fox’s stronghold, and all of Sidian’s people, including the king, commit crimes as naturally as breathing.
“The king of Sidian is a member of the Black Fox?”
“Yes. Only the bosses of the Black Fox and the highest-ranking executives beneath them know about this, and only Shawn, Hill, and I know about this even within Camastros, but Payne, the actual boss of the Black Fox, is also the king of Sidian. He’s a black fox beastman, and everyone in his lineage has always been both the king of Sidian and the boss of the Black Fox.”
Arhad told her about the Black Fox’s history.
The Black Fox’s first boss was said to have been the first emperor of Bahamut’s pet fox, and he was said to have been incredibly intelligent. The emperor of Bahamut was said to have sent his fox down to gather information and secure funding so he could subjugate the South.
The fox had chosen Sidian as his foothold into the South, instigated a rebellion with Bahamut knights, and crowned himself the king of Sidian.
Ianna looked around, worried that he was telling her this in such a public place, only to find that absolutely no one was paying attention to them. She wondered why for a moment before she realized that there was a spell preventing any sound from leaving its area of effect.
“So, don’t even think about causing any problems in Sidian and pass through it as quickly as possible.”
“I understand. More importantly, you shouldn’t be so reckless about using magic. When did you cast this?”
“It’s fine —I used a scroll.”
Arhad waved a little when he saw a waiter walking up with the dish they had ordered. The magic was dispelled as he did. The dish was boiled lobster with butter.
Arhad took Ianna’s knife before she could pick it up and deshelled it for her. He looked like he was having fun as he did the cumbersome work.
Ianna suddenly recalled how he had cut up her steak for her during their travels South as she watched him. He had looked just as excited back then too.
It was only Ianna’s thoughts that differed between back then and now.
Back then, she had wondered if he simply liked cutting up meat, but now she could not help but wonder…….
‘Does he just like being able to do something for me?’
“Here, eat.”
She seemed to have reached the truth. He had seemed to be having so much fun while he cut her portion, but he looked like he couldn’t have cared any less as he cut his own.
Ianna ignored the slight tickle in her heart as she picked up her fork. She could tell that the lobster was fresh just by the color of its boiled shell. This restaurant wasn’t popular just for show.
“You must enjoy seafood.”
They always ate seafood when Arhad took her out to eat. Ianna rather liked seafood too, so she was happy to share something in common with him. Ianna pushed some lobster meat and salad into her mouth when Arhad replied,
“You like it too.”
“……?”
Ianna, who had been savoring her food, suddenly grew puzzled and studied Arhad as he watched her eat with great pleasure.
“I do, but……have I ever told you that I did?”
“At the school festival, during your auction.”
When had she said that? Ianna combed through her memories and recalled how she had answered the emcee’s questions as quickly as she could to get her introductions over with.
[What kinds of foods do you like?]
“If I had to choose, I guess I like seafood, which is difficult to find in Roanne because the entire kingdom is inland, and good wine.”
‘Wait, that’s not why we’ve always been eating seafood, right……?’
Ianna continued eating without another word because she was feeling a little bashful. Arhad, who had managed to stir Ianna’s heart without even trying, continued,
“Jinzai hates Sidian because Sidian invades them so frequently. Its sole religion is the Faith of Laos, so they also regard Sidian as a country of heathens because there are a lot of folk beliefs in Sidian. You need to pay a huge toll and have proof of your identity in order to pass between the Sidian-Jinzai border, and the border closes fairly regularly too. Which is why a lot of people from Roanne choose to cut through the Lotso Mountains in the north and go directly to Jinzai instead of cutting through Sidian. But there are a lot of bandits and monsters lying in wait in the Lotso Mountains…… You should take some time to think about your route before you decide on one.”
“I was planning to travel to Toraca in a straight line through Sidian and Jinzai. Taro said there’s a shortcut he always takes.”
“That so? Then you’ll just have to be careful about the Black Fox.”
They finished their main dish as they spoke some more about the Black Fox and were presented with dessert consisting of tomatoes and cheese slices. Arhad continued,
“Toraca is a moderate country. I would recommend that you only visit the historical sites in Toraca if you want to go sightseeing. Neither Sidian nor Jinzai are very welcoming of foreigners……and you might even be able to see some beastmen, who are the most open of the mythical races.”
“Do the beastmen live in Toraca as well?”
“Most still live in the Girohai Desert, but a select few trade with humans. Oh, and this is something I prepared today because I heard you were going West…”
Arhad brought something out from his pocket. It was a sturdily sealed envelope. He continued,
“The reason why the Black Fox can’t expand outside of Sidian is because Roanne is blocking their routes east and south and because Toraca and Soo, their neighbor to the south, is helping Jinzai keep them from expanding out west. And Absilot plays a huge part in that. Which is why I’m planning to ask him for his cooperation.”
“His cooperation?”
Ianna carefully received the envelope Arhad was holding out to her.
“The Black Fox is more or less content for now. Both Sidian and the countries southeast of Roanne are under the Black Fox’s control, so they’ve already been successful in preparing themselves a foothold to invade the rest of the continent from.”
“Southeast of Roanne?”
“The Black Fox controls their distribution network, so the kingdoms southeast of here are heavily dependent on them. The ruling classes there have been rotting away because the Black Fox has been working on them for a while now, and the countries are so weak that they’ll crumble at even the slightest impact. One of the kingdoms in the south, Zurga, is already completely under their control.”
“So they plan on putting pressure on Roanne from both the west and the south.”
Time passed quickly as they conversed, and Ianna’s heart gained a measure of peace. And she found herself completely at ease as they finished their meal and started shopping for her trip. She dissuaded Arhad from paying for her and payed for her purchases and their delivery before she comfortably asked,
“What do we do now?”
The sun was still up in the sky, and there was still a lot of time left in the day. Arhad pulled out a watch from his pocket and checked the time as he said,
“What do you think about taking a walk by the wildflowers near the river and taking a cruise to enjoy the night view later?”
“That sounds nice.”
“But put this on first.”
Arhad pressed something on top of Ianna’s head. It was a white broad-brimmed hat decorated with a red ribbon. The slightly stinging sunlight falling on her face was replaced by shade. Ianna raised up the hat as she said,
“When did you……?”
“While you were arranging everything to be delivered.”
She had been wondering what he was holding behind his back, and he had apparently been hiding this from her. A cool breeze blew past them even though it was summer, perhaps because they were near a river. The blue waters, green grasses, and colorful flowers. The amazing scenery seemed to refresh her heart.
“It’s very lovely.”
Ianna crouched down where many different varieties of wildflowers were in bloom and looked down at them. Going on such a relaxing stroll had lifted her spirits. She continued,
“I’ve never been out like this with anyone before.”
She went out with her friends quite often, but only ever to eat or drink. She had done everything else alone. She went shopping alone, browsed books in the bookstore alone, and picked out nice courses to take walks on alone too.
She was accustomed to acting alone, and she had never before done such normal, everyday things with another.
It was rather fun. In a different sense then when she had done things alone. Eating delicious food, buying nice things, taking in amazing scenery —it gave her a different kind of satisfaction now that she had done these things with someone she was fond of.
But she still thought she wouldn’t have really cared if she had been with anyone else.
She liked it only because she was with Arhad.
They walked along the riverside for a while longer and boarded the cruise ship when it became dark. She looked around only to find that all the passengers had arrived in pairs —one man and one woman each. Ianna wondered if they were all lovers, and it was only then that she understood why people had misunderstood about her and Arhad so frequently. They were always together, so they must have seemed like lovers too.
They carried a glass of wine each as they observed the river’s quiet flow. Ianna felt at peace. She was on a date, but everything had been so normal that she hadn’t felt very burdened by it.
No —she was having fun now that someone she was fond of had joined in on her everyday activities.
‘He wasn’t lying when he said I’d feel better after going on a date.’
Ianna leaned against the railing as she observed the other couples. Watching other lovers enjoying the view on the cruise ship assured her that what she and Arhad had done today was, in fact, a date.
To think that people would do such ordinary things together just because they were lovers and call it a date —the world was a peculiar place indeed.
But she probably would have still been nervous if Arhad had brought her here first. She would have been too distracted by the fact that so many couples were stuck together and whispering their love to each other that she would have failed to understand what a date really was.
Arhad had talked about her trip first and had transitioned everything naturally from there. She had been relieved thanks to this, and she had been able to enjoy the rest of her day.
Was this also Arhad’s way of being considerate for her?
Ianna’s facial muscles relaxed.
Her heart grew calm whenever she was wrapped inside the dark of night. And Arhad was like a personification of the night.
Ianna was comfortably enjoying the view when Arhad asked her,
“Why do you have such a negative view on love?”
“……When I was younger…”
Ianna answered honestly. She could tell Arhad anything. She continued,
“My mother begged for love so constantly it was disgraceful. A harmonious household fell apart because of my mother’s love, and there was never a day that I, her daughter, didn’t end up in tears because of it.”
Ianna did not look at Arhad, who was staring back at her, and continued her tale as she looked out at the sparkling river before her.
“Everything else was ruined too, and my mother herself was always tormented over the fact that her love was never rewarded. She destroyed her life, and she ultimately threw it away. All because her love was one-sided.”
Ianna did not look at Arhad, who was staring back at her, and continued her tale as she looked out at the sparkling river before her.
“People with unrequited love aren’t okay even if they pretend to be. Moreover, love isn’t eternal, and when one party falls out of love, the other is forced to keep loving them one-sidedly even if they never wanted to.”
Ianna turned around to look directly back at Arhad.
“I don’t wish to put myself in a relationship that’ll only make my heart ache if the other party doesn’t reciprocate. I want to avoid the situation where my feelings may become one-sided altogether. I believe it’s better to never start a relationship if there’s even the smallest possibility that it might come to an end. And that is why I don’t think very highly of love.”
Ianna bit down at her lip before she decided to expose everything she was carrying inside.
“It’s not just love —I feel the same way about goodwill. I will not approach someone with goodwill and initiate a relationship with them first. I will return goodwill in kind if someone is good to me first, and I will cut off our ties at once should they ever leave me.”
Arhad looked down at Ianna with a calm light in his eyes. Ianna quietly looked back at him for a moment before she continued,
“I no longer wish to get hurt. And that it why I find it difficult to sincerely like another. I would not betray them so long as they didn’t leave me first……but that is all.”
His hair, as black as the night itself, rustled in the wind. The wind picked up her crimson hair and waved it gently as well. The wind felt cool even though it was summer, perhaps because the sun had gone down.
The cool breeze brushed past not only her skin but also her stifled heart as it unraveled the tangled mess inside.
“Ianna.”
Arhad called her name after a moment of silence.
“You always seem so confident about everything else, but you never seem to have any confidence in yourself. Love aside —why are you so pessimistic about personal relationships? Why do you have so little confidence in yourself?”
he asked bitterly as he looked Ianna directly in the eyes. He was right, but Ianna didn’t reply because she didn’t want to. Arhad looked down at her for a moment before he spat out,
“Ianna. Listen to me. You are someone invaluable to me.”
Ianna’s eyes shook.
“Even without your sword, even if you make mistakes, even if you’re cruel to me —yes, I hate to even imagine it, but even if you pushed me away and hated me…… I will always need you, and this will never change.”
Calmly, Arhad continued,
“So stop putting yourself down just because you were hurt by obnoxious bastards as a child. And stop thinking that every relationship will end in failure. You have me, don’t you? Our bonds will last forever so long as you don’t cast me aside. I promise you that we won’t ever end on a sour note.”
Arhad leaned against the railing and playfully added,
“So, you’re free to like me as much as you please. Besides, didn’t you already tell me that you liked me? Didn’t you ask me to treasure you most? Were you not being sincere when you said that?”
Ianna shook her head no.
“……I said that only because I know what kind of person you are.”
A faint smile appeared on Arhad’s face when he heard her reply.
“Right? And, though it irritates me to admit it, there are a lot of other people who like you too. You have so many bonds that will only keep being good —no, they’ll get even better— for you if you decide to be sincere with them. And you already knew this, didn’t you?”
He was spot-on. She had a lot of good people beside her, and she had long since considered that it might be all right to like them sincerely too.
And, just as she’d surmised before, all of this was only possible because she had Arhad. In the unlikely event that everyone else betrayed her, Arhad alone would still be by her side.
Arhad turned around to look out at the scenery when Ianna nodded.
“And besides, who cares if you get a little hurt? You’re strong enough now that you won’t collapse even if you do get hurt. It’ll sting, sure, but you won’t shatter. So don’t be afraid to reach out to others first. I’ll be right behind if you things ever get too hard. I will always keep you by my side in some way, shape, or form. I will never leave you.”
Had this man read her mind?
“So keep liking me, understand?”
Ianna turned around without replying and looked out at the scenery alongside him.
Everything had been unraveled. And only one strand of string was left now that it had been untangled. The one truth that she could never deny, the final conclusion remaining in her heart, soothed her.
Ianna didn’t know how much time had passed before she spoke up again.
“Everything we did today was a part of our date, right? Because we’re allegedly lovers?”
“I suppose.”
“It wasn’t all that different from simply hanging out together.”
“Right?”
“Does this still count as dating?”
“It does.”
“Lovers don’t really do anything out of the ordinary, I see.”
“Exactly. You just do all of these ordinary things together. You see and feel nice things together……and more importantly, you find it comforting and fun just to be with each other.”
Arhad was saying something strange. What he was saying could apply between friends as well. These were things that people could do without having to be lovers. But in that case, why was Arhad so adamant about keeping up their relationship?
“So, do you find this fun?”
“Is it not?”
“In that case, when will this relationship end? When we graduate from the Institution?”
“…….”
Arhad slowly brought the glass he had been holding up to his lips. He took a sip of wine before he spoke again.
“It won’t end until I tire of it.”
“Is that so?”
It probably won’t be horrible.
Ianna’s head cleared completely.
She decided to take on a more positive outlook. Everything had already been decided upon anyway, and nothing would change even if she contemplated over it so hard that her head burst open.
She remembered why she had lied in the first place. The flirtatious men had been getting on her nerves, she had been frustrated by the people who assumed that she and Arhad were dating and questioned her about their relationship, she wanted to stop women whom she didn’t think suited Arhad from approaching him, she wanted to maintain her position as his first and foremost priority, and she had wanted to grow closer to him. With all this in consideration, she realized that it would be better for them to stay in this fake relationship.
More importantly, she realized that she hadn’t hated going on a date with him today. They had already come this far, so they might as well see it through until the end.
Arhad would break things off when the time was right, and so, Ianna decided not to worry over the matter anymore.
Dating.
“There’s a lot that I don’t know about love or dating. But if this is what dating is like, then surely they aren’t so bad.”
“What do you……?”
Ianna placed her glass on the railing, stretched out her arms, and wrapped them around Arhad. Arhad had always been the one to pull her into his embrace, and this was the first time she had hugged him first. She didn’t notice how he had stiffened up as she focused solely on what she felt.
It was comfortable.
It made her realize that it might not be so bad to hug him first from time to time.
“…….”
His familiar arms immediately wrapped around her back. His arms were strong as he bound her completely. She could not see the look on his face, but she was certain that he was not repulsed by her.
She had known that Arhad would never hate it if she hugged him, but she was still relieved regardless because now she felt like she had his full permission to hug him, and she closed her eyes like a cat in her owner’s embrace.
“……What’s this?”
In response to his quiet and buried question, Ianna mumbled,
“My mother loved the count, but the count never loved her back. She never had the chance to do anything like this with him, and neither have I ever seen her do anything like this with any other. And that’s why I blindly saw all love in a negative light. I could not understand why she continued to love him. ……But now I can’t help but wonder if all she had ever wanted was something small and ordinary like this.”
“…….”
“Priscilla told me that love is the culmination and peak of goodwill. And so, I will be honest. My feelings for you are close to love…….”
Ianna took a deep breath and poured out everything that was in her heart.
“……And I may even fall in love with you one day.”
This was the truth that she had reached in her heart after agonizing and agonizing over it for a week. If love was the culmination of goodwill, then her feelings were not love, but they may become love one day. It was highly possible that she would fall in love with this man as they continued to spend more time together.
Though she didn’t quite know what love was.
She organized her thoughts after spelling out the truth, and she only came back to her senses once she found it difficult to breathe. Arhad had squeezed her tight. It hurt, but Ianna did not refuse him as she stayed quietly in his arms and continued to think.
What was this man thinking now that he had heard her thoughts? Did he find this fun? Did he find this curious?
Comically enough, she never once considered that he might dislike this or find it burdensome. She could not know how he was feeling because she could not look inside his head, but she knew that he was abnormally fond of her. He was a bottomless pit that she could never hope to fill even if she poured all of her feeling out to him.
Even if her feelings eventually transitioned into love.
“……And?”
she heard Arhad say after an unspecified amount of time. She wondered if he was asking her what she meant to do about it. It was a valid question. Ianna braced herself. There was a reason why she had exposed her whole heart to him like this.
Things would start being real now.
“But I don’t want to be in love. So please only keep treating me like this while I am only your pretend lover. I will not fall in love with you. So please, don’t fall in love with me either.”
She had thought about their relationship over the past week. And as a result, she concluded that they were close. It was true of Arhad. And it was true of herself.
Love.
She knew now that it wasn’t a horrible thing.
But she was still loath to put herself at its mercy. Love was still a foreign concept to her. She could not know how she would change once she had fallen in love.
Everything she had built up until now could come crashing down.
She might change into a feeble girl who could do nothing but look to Arhad.
She did not have her sword at her side even now.
The sword was her everything, and it was also the shield that protected her. And yet, she had left it behind solely because she knew that Arhad would be with her.
She was already like this even without being in love, so what would happen if she ever did fall in love?
She didn’t want to imagine it.
Ianna thought that Arhad would listen now that she was being sincere with him. She was fully satisfied with their relationship as it already was.
“……Love is the culmination of goodwill, was it?”
Arhad, who had been listening to Ianna speak without offering his own opinions, finally spoke up. He continued,
“Your roommate was half-right and half-wrong. In one sense, love and goodwill are two totally separate things.”
“……?”
Arhad let go of Ianna’s back and brought his hands to her shoulders as he gently pulled her away. Ianna looked up at him and flinched.
She felt like she was peering into an unfathomably deep abyss. His gentle golden eyes reflected a goodwill so dense that it bordered madness. The moon looked brighter in the darkness, and Ianna felt like her figure was trapped inside it as she saw herself reflected in his eyes.
A sudden question popped into her mind just then.
If love was the peak of goodwill, then where did love start for Arhad? Could he see the end of the goodwill he felt for her?
Ianna had spoken aloud her thoughts and firmly cut things off because she had seen the goodwill Arhad had for her reach the borderline that separated it from love.
But, hadn’t she always thought that his goodwill seemed to have no end? As if she was falling deeper into an infinitely endless abyss? The contradictory feelings made Ianna’s expression turn awkward.
“Everyone would love if it was as comfortable as simple goodwill. Your roommate was correct in saying that goodwill eventually culminates into love. But…”
Arhad squeezed tightly as he kept his hold on Ianna’s shoulders. He continued,
“The limits cease to be once love takes hold. And the only thing left beyond that is a cliff that has no end. Love is the paper-thin difference between destruction and ecstasy, and it is the most extreme of all emotions.”
The definition of love, which Ianna had only just begun to see in a positive light, grew hazy to her again. And then, it boiled down to one thing. Her thoughts changed completely as she reached the most plausible definition.
The contradictory feelings she had about Arhad disappeared, and only one doubt was left in her mind.
No way……
Ianna suddenly questioned a hypothesis that she had truly never even considered before. She felt a fever start by her ears as she continued to stare into Arhad’s eyes.
She had thought she had grown accustomed to the air Arhad always gave off about him, but she could never acclimate to it fully, and she started growing nervous before she realized it herself. The fever that originated from his strong hands washed away the peace and refreshment she had been feeling, and she quickly grew hot, as if she had been dyed in the heat.
“But don’t you want to know? It’s a destructive yet ardent feeling. I do. I want to know just how mad love can drive a person.”
Arhad brought his face closer to hers. Ianna paled because there was nowhere for her to escape, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight.
Ianna opened her eyes when nothing had happened even after she had closed them for a while, and she felt a sudden heat on her forehead the very moment that she did. The lips pressed heavily against her forehead drew away just as her shoulders, still in his hands, started to hurt, and they whispered,
“……That’s just what I think.”
Ianna reached up and touched her forehead where his lips had been before she realized what she was doing. Arhad let go of her shoulders and took a step back. Ianna stepped back as well.
“Have fun on your trip.”
……That was just what you think?
Ianna bit down at her lip.
No.
You’re lying.
There was no way that the words he had spoken while looking like he was holding something back and with such rabid madness in his eyes had been sincere.
That fever, that affection, which Arhad had demonstrated too readily ever since this bizarre relationship had begun that was too weighted to be a mere act. Arhad’s abnormal goodwill, which Ianna had never seen the ends of, hid its indistinct form from her.
You…
You haven’t crossed the line already, have you?
Ianna recalled the many times she had seen Arhad act unfathomably once the question had seized her mind.
He had seemed somehow suppressed, and yet he was difficult to confront head-on……the fever he had displayed then overlapped with his figure before her.
Ianna surmised that he had been acting so mysteriously during those times because he had failed to hide his affections and let them slip out from his hold.
“…….”
Ianna could not speak. Their eyes met yet again as Ianna found herself at a loss for words and at a loss for what to do. She heard his voice as he continued to stare openly into her.
“You didn’t like it?”
Ianna blankly wondered what he was asking her about until she distinctly recalled the burning sensation she had felt on her forehead. It was only then that Ianna became cognizant of the fact that her hands were still on her forehead. And it was only then that she realized what he had just done. Ianna’s face blushed furiously red.
“……It……wasn’t bad.”
The strange and new feeling only made her want to flee.
This was her reward for the love she had never been able to receive as a child. The peculiar satisfaction of knowing that his unchanging affections would always be pointed to her.
And she tingled upon receiving the emotion for the first time in her life.
—“Transition” End
ToC Chapter 22